Reading me on paper

I know that this blog has lately had more about what I am going threw with my kidneys failing more then my fibro but this post I think everyone that has Fibro can relate to.

Last Wednesday morning I woke up around 3 am feeling very very sick. I could not go back to sleep I was having anxiety I had a fever/chills and the shakes. I started vomiting and since then I have not stopped. I don't care who you are throwing up is always the WORST.. and I can't even tell you how many times I have done that in that past week. On Friday I went to the doctor and he sent me to the emergency room to have IV fluids for dehydration.... Dehydration came from not being able to keep food or liquid down for at that time 3 days.

The doctor walked into the room I was in and looked on my chart and the first thing out of his mouth is " Why are you on Methadone?" ... I take it for my fibromyalgia. Then the doctor said " Well it seems to me that your having withdrawls and thats why your sick." Okay first of all... no I am not having withdrawls I am taking the medication I have not stopped therfore its pretty hard to have withdrawls for something that you are still taking. Second, He did not even ask what was going on what I think may be causing this what the other reasons could be for this did not ask about my history on what has been going on the past 3 months with my kidneys failing. He simply read me on paper and saw that I am a 22 year old taking a pretty strong narcotic for something that in his OWN PERSONAL OPINION does not even exsist.

On Sunday morning around 5:30 I had finally given up on trying to get some sleep. ( I have gotten no more then 9 hours of sleep in the past week I don't know why I can not sleep but... I just can't) I finally went to do what every child ( well... I guess and me.. an adult) dreads having to do when they are sick. Wake up their parents in the middle of the night to tell them that you are sick.

I woke my mom up told her that I have still been throwing up I am so so nausiated and have a terrible pounding headache from the dehydration and pure exhaustion. We decided to go back to the emeregency room becuase the doctor on call is 35 minutes away and all he said to do was go to the ER...

So as we got their and the nurse took my vitals and blah blah blah she went out to get the doctor. We heard the nurse say to the doctor as she is rolling her eyes " This girl is on methadone for " Fibromyalgia" and she was just in here 2 days ago." All I had been getting in the ER was an IV fluid.... What is the big deal its not like I have been coming in for a shots of pain medication.. You think I am out seeking Iv bags...???

Once again, someone has read me on paper and made their opinion and diagnosis from that. They see that I am a 22 year old who has been in the er twice the past 3 days and they just assume that I am a drug seeker, that im crazy and its all in my head, or am a recovering adict. It is so hurtful to have people think that way about me and it is exhausting having to defend myself and plead for them to listening to me and listen to what I am saying about how I am feeling instead of just reading me on paper and judging me from that. It is even more hurtful for a doctor, nurse, whoever say something like " Fibromyalgia is just a catch all. Its not a disease and its not something you need to be medicated for." Or some option like that. It is so so hurtful.

Fibromyalgia is REAL... just because you can't see it does not mean that its not there and people are not being affected by it every single day of their lives. If I am not being medicated for fibromyalgia I would not be able to function in my life. I hate hearing people make opions like that about this disease or see people roll their eyes when I tell them that I suffer from this disease.

I believe that people with Fibromyalgia have to not only deal with this disease and try and live a normal life while suffering with this but they also have to work twice as hard as someone else with more common or a disease that people can physically see on you.. Because people like the doctor I saw in the ER or the nurse in the ER who make judgemental and cruel opinions like that we must defend ourself and everyone else with Fibro becuase IT IS REAL... IT IS REAL AND IT DOES AFFECT PEOPLE AND THEM TRYING TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE..

If you ever have a doctor read you on paper instead of talking to you about what you ARE feeling and WHAT IS going on and WHAT IS AFFECTING YOU... stand up for your self and defend yourself becuase you know that it is real and until someone has felt the pain that this disease causes and how this slows you down, and affect you in ways that sometimes you cant even get out of bed ... people will never unerstand that until they have felt it. Don't ever let a doctor or anyone else make you feel like it is in your head or that you are just looking for pain medicine because they may think that its not real or read you on paper and make their diagnosis or opinion without even talking to you about what is going on...

This disease is real. Its hard. Its is extremely life altering and people who don't feel this pain everyday will never understand.... but you know that it is real. Stand up for yourself! Defend youself and everyone else who sufferes with this just like you do!! You know that it is there and real don't ever let someone make you think otherwise.